I took a little break from blogging--even though I really just started, how dramatic?--because I didn't want to overload you with content. Though it is therapeutic for me to write this, I started to feel a bit too stressed about doing it often enough and making sure it was entertaining enough. That's my lovely, controlling, perfectionistic mindset again there for you. Taking something good and fun, and examining it to pieces until it starts to just be painful. Anyhow, I took a break, refocused and recommitted myself regarding why I chose to start this in the first place and decided it was time to write again.
To catch up, I thought we'd have an imaginary coffee date inspired by my new reusable Starbucks cup I just bought, that I'm honestly way to excited about.
So grab a cup of whatever and let's chat!
If we were having coffee today, I'd tell you that I'm sick of the snow and can't wait to be rid of it. I'm ready to start doing things outside again, though Summer can hold off for just a few more months.
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you that I don't owe taxes this year so YAY!
I'd also tell you that I started to exercise a little this week. Nothing crazy, just a couple walks, some sit ups and lunges here and there. It just felt great to move again and not to be overwhelmed about sticking to a routine but just doing what feels good.
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you that I'd been feeling really lonely, especially on weekends. I get so excited for Friday and Saturday every week, all week, and then when it finally gets here I end up doing nothing. I tell myself that everyone is busy so I don't go out of my way to make plans with anyone. I get invited to do things and I find some sort of excuse to get out of it. I've been living this self-fulfilling prophecy and it's starting to be really upsetting.
So if we were actually having coffee, I'd have to say something about how proud of myself I was I actually showed up and that I was probably afraid for you to see me. The weight gain has really gotten to me and I know that's contributing to these feelings of isolation. I just feel too embarrassed to be seen right now.
If we were having coffee, I hope you would encourage me to get serious about getting some new clothes that fit my new body, because I think that would help to.
I'd also tell you that I decided to relax on my strict eat every three hours "rule". My nutritionist suggested I start to do this so I could relearn hunger and satiety, but I found that sometimes I'm really not hungry at three hours and it felt wrong to make myself eat just because it was time. So, I think I'm just going to go back to eating when I feel hungry. I think I'm aware enough now to do this accurately so we'll see how that goes. I haven't told my nutritionist about it yet, but I feel like she'd support that decision. Still though, I feel I kind of need that permission from someone else so I'll probably email her after writing this.
Lastly, as per usual, I'd probably tell you I was sorry for talking so much during our coffee date and would ask what was going on with you finally!
I hope things are well and I hope to get back to posting regularly.
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