So here goes...

Well I'm doing it.

 After thinking it through I figured what's the worst that can happen?

I'm writing this here to include you in my journey towards wellness both physically and mentally. To some of you it is no secret that I have had an eating disorder for no more than several years now. Since, almost as long as I can remember actually. And while I have not always been "active" in practicing the rituals one would normally associate with such an illness, it has continuously been an affliction of mine nonetheless.

The purpose of writing this is not however to rehash old memories--of which there are surprisingly little--of how I used to live my life but rather to share where all of that has gotten me and how I am dealing with it now.

This will no doubt be a naked and sometimes embarrassing view into my thought processes but I am choosing to share it not only for my own documentation and accountability towards improvement, but additionally so that others may grow with me and above all else avoid following in my footsteps.

So, with the goal of progress in mind I thought it would be important to share where I am now if only to serve as a measurable starting point.

I am 23 years old. Married. Full time RN. Childless but dog- full (3 to be exact). And though I have this illness I am the heaviest I have ever been or could have ever imagined to be. Please don't be mistaken in thinking that eating disorder means you are thin and fainting all the time because although I have been there before, I can honestly say I've spent more of lifetime in this phase. I have a horribly wrecked metabolism and not even an inkling of how to have a normal relationship with food. From the time I open my eyes each day until I go to sleep hardly a moment passes where I don't think about food or my body image and after all these years, I'm pretty sick of it.

My goals are simple. To wake up, get dressed without cringing, live a healthy and active lifestyle, eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full and think no more of it. I don't feel like that's too much to ask and yet at the moment I can't do it.

But I will. And I know that it will take a seemingly excruciating amount of time to learn but I am determined to really do so.

And so I will end with that. A proclamation to the world that I will not give up on myself, that this is just the beginning, and that I will have that life I always dreamed of and thank you for being here to support me.

If you have any questions or requests for me to address something please feel free to comment on any post and I would love to talk about it.

 Thanks again,
 K